Jennie sat at her bedroom window, gazing out into the rolling lush fields of clover.
She had always dreamed of getting a dog or a horse, but her fears had sabotaged her future. She was mainly scared of bugs. When she was 5 years old, her mother had gone outside to get honey out of the bee hives that lines their fields. They looked like vanilla with mint ice cream. And while she was reaching her hand into the sticky hive, she slipped on some grass still covered with the morning dew, and the whole hive came down with her. And that’s when she found out in a painful way, that she was allergic to bees.
One week after her mother’s death she started making her list of fears as she crawled deeper and deeper into her hole, shutting off the rest of the world. She wasn’t the typically girl who got over everything. When she sensed fear, she clung to it.
Now after 7 years she still had fears. Jennie and her dad lived in Kleefield, Manitoba on a honey farm. Their produce would go to the store, and be sold. One day while Jennie was sitting out in the shade of her favorite oak tree, she heard a string of barking come from the field that was on the left of their house. Suddenly a dog appeared, it’s ruff coat was coated in burrs, and he was panting hard. Then a pack of vicious dogs came into view. Jennie grabbed a nearby stick and drove them off. Then her dad appeared from the back door, “Jennie what are you doing with that dog?” Jennie remained quiet. She knew that talking wouldn’t let her keep the dog. She and her dad, never really had a connection. It was her mom that Jennie had gotten close to. After a while, Jennie noticed that she was spending a lot of time outside, and then she realized that the dog she had encountered had helped her forget her fear of spiders and ticks, and make her realize the more important things in her life. Then she happily skipped into the house. To tell her father the good news, and then he might consider keeping the dog.
And that was exactly what happened.
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ReplyDeleteThis person had great organization and wonderful ideas. I think the ending was very strong.
ReplyDeleteVery good story. Great sentance structer and grammer. You just have to go into more detail of what happened at the end, then it would be perfect.
ReplyDeletevery good
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletethat was beautifully described, i loved the opening sentence. just a little bit of puncuation work maybe.
ReplyDeletei really like your story, i like her rason for being scared of bugs, only the end could be alittle more descriptive. I will write more tonight :)
ReplyDeletelittle more detail at the end and a bit more elaboration on what she's afraid of would make this story more amazing than it already is :D
ReplyDeletei think it was well built and a great beginning keep up the work!!
ReplyDelete